


I'm Winning?

by WolfyWordWeaver



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Anxiety, Bed & Breakfast, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Depression, Drinking Games, Established Relationship, Family Feels, Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Happy Ending, M/M, Misunderstandings, domestic wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:40:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23137828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfyWordWeaver/pseuds/WolfyWordWeaver
Summary: Regulus gets sent to visit his brother for the summer at the Lupin-Black B&B and he makes a shocking discovery and a not-so-shocking discovery. Sirius really is a dumbass and he is VERY competitive."Wow, that's such a long time! So is he how you knew you were gay, then? Or did you know before?"This time Sirius' laugh was the loud sharp barking sound that always drove Mother crazy. "I'm not gay, Reggie."
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 31
Kudos: 189





	I'm Winning?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [theFearTakesHold](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theFearTakesHold/gifts).



> There aren't many people I consider super heroes, but theFearTakesHold has quickly become one in my mind. They take the time to write reviews for so many stories here in the fandom and it makes such a difference to us writers. So here's my extra thank you. I hope that you enjoy it!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: brief mention of a suicide attempt, brief mention of a parent being sent to a care facility, anxiety, and depression (these are all for Regulus)

Regulus watched with worried eyes as his brother scooped up the wobbly mass of a poached egg and deftly plated it over the potato breakfast casserole. With a triumphant "Ha!" the older brother slid the plate to his brother. 

"Let's not get too excited," Regulus warned as he sniffed his nose hesitantly over the dish. Everything looked like it was supposed to. It even smelled good. But this was Sirius, the brother who took out their whole neighborhood's electricity with his toaster skills. 

"Take a damn bite already," Sirius huffed. 

The cold metal tines of his fork burst the yolky sac with a quick jab and Regulus childishly closed his eyes as he took a mouthful of the eggs and potatoes. A few slow bites and rolling around of a tongue and the teen sighed in defeat.

"Okay, fine. You can cook. This dish at least."

Sirius whooped loudly and slapped his brother roughly on the shoulder. "Ha! I told you! When are you ever going to learn that your brother is always right?"

"Mmm, that smells good," Remus yawned as he stepped into the kitchen. 

Sirius perked up like a loyal dog. "Morning! Want some? I was practicing for the guests that are coming in this weekend."

"Yeah," Remus yawned again before pressed a kiss to his husband's cheek. 

The taller man got that glint in his eyes before sweeping Remus up in his arms and ravishing the other man's mouth. Regulus groaned. 

"Sirius, I'm _eating_ here."

Ignoring his brother, Sirius pulled back to rub noses with Remus. "I'm winning," he stated teasingly.

"Don't get too comfortable," Remus shot back playfully. 

"You two are disgusting," Regulus adds before stuffing his mouth with more of the delicious food. It really was a wonder what Remus had transformed his disgusting, useless, and psychotic brother into.

"Did you enjoy the room?" Remus asked kindly, choosing to ignore the teen's previous statement. 

"Yes, it was great! I like the range of books available in the bookcase, too." 

Remus beamed. "Thank you! It's one of those little details that I've been tweaking for each of the rooms. Do you think we'll be ready for the grand opening next month?"

Looking back down at plate and what was left of the breakfast, he nodded. "If Sirius can keep cooking like this, I think that your little business venture will be a hit."

"Aw, Reg! You're going to make me blush!" Sirius laughed obnoxiously.

"It's too bad he's still generally an ass," Regulus added for good measure making Remus choke on his potatoes and Sirius laugh again.

"Just ask Remus how much he _likes_ this ass!" he shot back and Regulus sighed. 

"I walked right into that one, didn't I?"

"Yup!" his brother responded with a pop of his lips. "So, Uncle Alphard has booked you a room for the whole summer. Want to switch rooms around or just pick one?"

"I guess it depends on your reservations," he replied thoughtfully. "I'll probably try to keep the same room for a week at a time, but I don't care to move if someone else wants to reserve it."

"Okay," Remus replied. "I'll keep that in mind with the scheduling." He made a note on his cellphone before tucking it back into his back pocket. "Sirius, I've got to be up in the office all day responding to emails and finishing up that interview for the magazine."

"I'll bring your lunch," Sirius offered with a soft grin. "I'm thinking of taking Regulus on a ride through the countryside till then."

"That sounds fun," Remus muttered around a mouthful of food. "Don't forget to check on the chickens and ducks before you head out."

"Sure thing." 

Regulus watched quietly as Sirius stretched up lazily and then moved into the kitchen to clean up. Everything about the man in front of him seemed like a strange shadow of the brother he had grown up with. That brother had been far more moody, cold, and mean, although usually directed at someone other than his little brother. When he had left Grimmauld Place at 17 to move in with his boyfriend, Regulus had thought that he would never get to have a relationship with his brother again. However, the death of his father, a suicide attempt, his mother's move into a care facility, and Uncle Alphard's insistence led him to now spending the summer at the Lupin-Black's quaint bed and breakfast. They both had changed a lot over the years, he supposed. 

"Can I see the chickens and ducks?" he asked softly. Was that okay to ask?

"Of course!" Sirius chirped as he collected the plates and utensils from the table. "You'll just have to borrow Remus' rubber boots when you go out."

The teenager continued to be amazed at the person inhabiting his brother's body. When Sirius picked him up from the airport and drove him all the way out to what seemed like the middle of nowhere he thought that maybe Sirius was just bringing him out there to dispose of his body. Sirius was the quintessential city boy who had always loved the hustle and bustle of living in New York City, but as they tramped around in the wet and squishy back yard with an excitable dog running circles around them and yipping happily, Regulus could see that Sirius seemed just as at home in the quiet country air with a bucket of...chicken food? Fowl food? Scraps? He wasn't sure what to call the contents of those buckets.

In fact, one bucket was for the compost pile and the other was indeed for the birds. He learned that apparently ducks do better with lower protein than chickens and that Sirius would have them share a bit of the same feed before supplementing each of them with other nutrients and letting them forage in their large and mobile coops. He also learned that there were plenty of wild animals that would love to eat the chickens and ducks but Snuffles the guard dog kept most of them at bay. That, all the fencing, plus the grumpy donkey Kreacher.

"You know so much about...animals," Regulus stated incredulously as he looked around stupidly at all the seemingly happy critters. If he was left alone on this farm he wouldn't have a clue what to do.

"It just takes a bit of research plus trial-and-error," Sirius shrugged. "That and an obnoxious best friend."

"Is that still Potter?"

"Oh yeah, of course. He'll never be rid of me."

Regulus wrinkled his nose as they drew near the barn. "How did you help you learn about the animals?"

"Hmm, I'm going to need to muck out those stalls after lunch. Oh! The asshole was making fun of us buying so much land and such a junked up house so I told him that we could whip this place into a great and functional homestead if we wanted to. Mind you, all Remus and I had planned on was fixing up the old house and renovating it for the bed and breakfast. The land just came with it all and we hadn't really decided what to do with it."

Regulus chuckled. "So I'm guessing that he made a bet you couldn't?"

That familiar competitive gleam glinted in those grey eyes. "He sure did. I used that $1,000 to start prepping our property for our Wolfdog pup."

"You're getting a Wolfdog?!"

Setting down the buckets, Sirius quickly fished out his phone to show off pictures of the Wolfdog mother. "Yeah, we're going to be getting one of her next litter! Fenrir is running a great breeding program and has been helping us prep. We've been over at his place and helping out with the pack as much as we can to help gain experience."

"Does he live far?"

"Nah. I'll point it out when we go for the drive. Let's hurry back to the house!"

The motorcycle ride was less scary and a lot more exhilarating than Regulus had thought. He would have been more than happy to spend the whole day on the back of the vehicle and wondered as they finally pulled off at a trailhead if Sirius would teach him how to drive one. They had all summer after all. His fingers still couldn't work the straps of the helmet and Sirius chuckled as he helped to pull off the heavy plastic gear. They walked up a ways along the trail in their full leathers and boots before Sirius led him to a side-trail that had a nice little bluff where they sat and just enjoyed the fair weather and the company. Regulus asked tentative questions about Sirius' life after home and Sirius asked about how school had gone. 

"Why didn't you invite me to the wedding?" he finally asked, scared that maybe Sirius really didn't care about him beyond doing Uncle Alphard a favor. 

Sirius looked surprised. "Oh, well, it was more of a quick and small ceremony at the courthouse and only a few people came."

"Really? I always thought that you wanted a big obnoxious to-do when you got married."

He shrugged again. "I did, but it just...well, it was okay. Kind of a sudden decision."

Hoping to casually let his brother know that he really wasn't a homophobe or anything he asked another personal question. "When did you know that you loved Remus?"

"Oh, that's easy!" Sirius laughed. "It was my first year at that new school and he transferred in the middle of a semester. He was such a nervous wreck and some kids were making fun of his worn out clothes so I punched a kid out and was given a detention. He cried all lunch period long next to me because no one had ever stood up for him before. James laughed and called him my new pet, but I knew at that moment that I loved him."

Regulus had known that those boys had been friends for a long time, but he hadn't realized that Sirius had felt that way about the other boy for so long. 

"Wow, that's such a long time! So is he how you knew you were gay, then? Or did you know before?"

This time Sirius' laugh was the loud sharp barking sound that always drove Mother crazy. "I'm not gay, Reggie."

The younger brother startled in surprise and stared at his brother in shock, trying to understand if there was some kind of joke that he was missing. When Sirius didn't expound anymore he pressed again.

"So...are you bisexual? Or pan?"

"Nah, I don't think so," Sirius chuckled again as he laid back on the soft grass and decomposing leaves. 

Regulus sat back in concern and stared more intently at his brother. Sirius was _married_ to a man and had been for almost five years. They had been together for close to ten years if he was remembering things clearly. His being involved romantically with a man played a large part in the final set of arguments that finally cut him off from the rest of the family!!! How could he not be gay?! Or bi or pan?! 

A sudden horrifying thought occurred. "Oh shit, have I been using the wrong pronouns for Remus?!" he cried in dismay. 

This time it was Sirius who was giving him a strange look. "No, of course not, Reggie! What are you-" His eyes suddenly lit up in understanding. "Oh, that's right! I keep forgetting that you weren't there the night I got together with Remus."

"Of course not!" Regulus sputtered. "I wasn't even ten years old yet!"

"You've just always acted like such an old man," Sirius sighed with a fond shrug. "I forget how young you are sometimes."

Regulus stared for another minute before making a distressed sound. "So?!!!"

"Oh, yeah, sorry." Sirius was laughing again and Regulus thought that he might actually strangle his stupid brother. "So, we were out drinking with all our friends that night - the big group - and we were all just playing these drinking games..."

"You were underaged, Sirius!"

"Sheesh, you're telling me that you've never had a drink?"

"Of course not! It's illegal!"

"Hmm, interesting." Sirius looked like he had never considered the fact that something illegal should be avoided for that very reason. "Anyway, so I don't remember who but someone suggested that we should play Gay Chicken, and I was like, 'what the fuck is a gay chicken' and then James started saying-"

"Get to the relevant point, Sirius."

"So touchy. But yeah, it's apparently like some kind of game where two straight guys have to kiss and whoever chickens out first loses the game. So I laughed and said that I'd never lost a drinking game before and then Remus got all huffy and said that I could never outlast him and so we started making out like crazy and it went on like all night long so no one else really got a chance at the game and by the time we were heading home I told him that I wasn't going to be giving up." Regulus felt realization dawning and a boulder of horror growing in his stomach. "Because I never lose, right? So being the competitive bastard that he is, Remus said he wasn't either. And well, here we are!"

Horrified could not begin to describe the feeling that Regulus was trying to process as he stared at his incredibly stupid brother. "You...you _married_ him."

"Yeah, that damned Remus got a leg up on me that time," he laughed. "We keep trying to outdo each other, you know? To try to get the other one to chicken out, but yeah, I'm going to win this thing."

"You...Sirius, you have sex with him!!!"

He shrugged. "Yeah, and?"

Regulus got up and started pacing nervously, thinking of his bottle of anti-anxiety pills back at the house. Damn it, he should have known to always keep them on hand in the presence of his brother! "Didn't it, like, occur to you that maybe Remus isn't playing a silly game anymore?"

Sirius' smile faded just slightly but remained on his lips. "I mean, well I kind of thought that I'd give it another ten years or so and if he still won't chicken out than...I don't know, maybe he's actually gay? I don't know. He would have told me if that was the case, right?"

"HE'S BEEN SLEEPING WITH YOU AND MARRIED YOU."

"That doesn't mean he's gay!" Sirius insisted, just now starting to look a bit frazzled. "We're good friends and maybe we'd be living together and running a business anyway, without this whole competition."

"If you're not gay, then what's your sexual orientation?" Regulus pressed angrily on behalf of Remus.

"I...I don't know! I'm straight!"

"When was the last time you even looked at a woman? Have you _ever_?"

Sirius was definitely starting to get uncomfortable now. "I mean, yeah. I th-think so. But I just haven't had a chance to! We were fifteen when this started! It's not like I've exactly had time to question my sexuality or explore that when I'm just focused on one guy!"

"Was there anything about that game that said you had to be monogamous with your drinking partner? Or that you had to go any further than kissing?! You said that you love him!"

"I do love him!" Sirius shot back, more nervous than angry. "I love him and James and Peter and Lily and Harry and you and...I love lots of people!"

Regulus stopped his pacing and just stared at his brother in distress. "Really? Like you love Remus?"

Sirius stared down at his thick riding boots for a moment. "Do you...do you really think he's gay?"

"You didn't get a hint for the past ten years?" he asked as softly as he could in his anxious state. "Not once?"

They remained silent for a few more minutes and Regulus tried not to pick too much at the small tear in the cuff of his borrowed riding jacket. Finally, Sirius got to his feet and started walking back towards the bike. Regulus followed behind quietly and wondered if he had just ruined things. They had been perfectly fine before he butted into things and even if he thought it was obvious that they were madly in love with each other what if he was wrong? What if Remus thought this was some competition too? Surely one of their friends would have said something about this before now? What if Remus didn't realize that Sirius didn't feel the same way and they broke up over this? 

Oh hell, he'd only been there for a little over a day and he completely destroyed a ten year (dysfunctional) relationship!

"I need my pills," he murmured to Sirius as they got close to the trailhead.

"We'll go straight home," Sirius responded softly.

**

Regulus slowly made his way down the stairs, hearing the clatter of dishes and the pleasant voice of Remus rattling off about how productive he had been that day. Sirius wasn't saying anything and Regulus froze. What if Sirius didn't want to see him anymore? He had rushed up to his room as soon as they got to the house and slept until Remus called him down for dinner. Maybe he should just go right back to bed.

The sound of a kiss smacking made it to his ears and he heard Remus laugh. "You're off your game, Sirius. Looks like I'm winning today."

"Uh, Remus?"

Oh no.

Morbid curiosity fueled Regulus and he took a couple of steps down until he could see the two men in the kitchen. Sirius' hair was looking ridiculously good from the back and Remus looked chipper.

"What's on your mind, hon?"

Sirius was fidgeting on his feet. "Are you gay?" 

Now Remus looked a bit confused. "I'm pan actually, but I thought I told you that."

"No, I don't think so," Sirius replied with a strange tone to his voice. 

"Oh, sorry. It's not really anything I think much about since we're together. You know?"

"Uh, did you know that when we got together? I mean, when we started the drinking game?"

Remus laughed and swatted Sirius with the tea towel. "Gay Chicken? No, I didn't really know before we did that or I wouldn't have played. I'd have just asked you out instead." Sirius made a strangled noise and for the first time Remus was looking a bit concerned. "What's the matter?"

"So you...you like me? _Like_ like?"

"Sirius, what are you talking about? Of course I like you, silly. I _love_ you."

The older Black leaned heavily against the counter and hung his head. "Regulus asked me if I was gay today."

Remus laughed a bit nervously, his hands twisting the tea towel tightly. "Th-that's a silly thing to ask. We're married."

"I said no."

"Okay," Remus stated slowly, his hands practically tearing into that poor towel. "So-" He froze at whatever expression Sirius was showing to him when he finally looked up. 

"I thought I was winning," Sirius stated.

There was silence for a few heartbeats and all the color drained from Remus' face. "You... _what_?!" Regulus had never seen so many emotions race across a person's face before. 

"I thought I was winning, Remus," Sirius tried again.

"Fuck," Remus muttered in shock. "You mean... _everything_?! You fucking accepted my proposal! We're married, you bastard!!!" The abused towel was thrown right into Sirius' face as the usually mild-mannered man went on a rampage. He swiped a hand across the counter and knocked over a couple of plates not caring that they shattered against the tile. "It was a fucking game you sick bastard?! I've been making love to....to a...." 

Remus started sobbing and Regulus felt shame burning on his cheeks. This was all his fault. 

"Remus, I love you," Sirius tried as he tentatively reached out.

"DON'T!" Remus shouted, slapping away the approaching hand. "You don't get to say that to me!"

"I do!" Sirius insisted.

"No," Remus insisted angrily. "I d-don't ever want to see you again! I'm getting a fucking divorce."

He rushed past Sirius and the tears started up again. Sirius whipped around with a distressed look on his face.

"You can't drive in that state!" he protested but Remus ignored him and rushed out of the house. Silence rang out loudly in the house. "Fuck," he sighed before sliding down to the tiled floor. 

Regulus crept up the stairs and decided that his hungry stomach could hold off until the next day. 

"Don't let my efforts go to waste," the voice called out from the kitchen.

"I'm sorry," Regulus stated flatly as he froze on the steps. 

"It's not your fault," Sirius responded dejectedly. "I'm an idiot."

The teen made his way back down the stairs and moved to sit next to his brother. "What are you going to do?"

"Drink," Sirius stated firmly as he stared ahead unseeing. "My liver needs to be reacquainted with its old friend."

"I'll...drink with you. Just a little."

Sirius patted his shoulder. "Good man. Eat something first."

**

An hour later found James and Sirius throwing back shots on the couch while Regulus watched on with his coffee mug of red wine. 

"You're a dumbass," James sighed as he winced from the burn of his shot of tequila. 

"You're the one who's supposed to have my back and keep me from making stupid mistakes." Sirius tossed back his own vodka.

"Being with Remus wasn't stupid," James insisted before licking at the salt and lime juice on the rim of his shot glass. 

"Why didn't you tell me it wasn't a game?!" Sirius growled angrily as he elbowed his best friend in the ribs. 

James elbowed him back. "Because it was common fucking sense, Sirius! We all just thought that you liked being a dick and teasing Remus about how you got together! Who the hell thinks that a damn drinking game can last ten years?!"

"This fool apparently," Sirius groaned before putting down another shot. Regulus was pretty sure that drinking vodka that quickly could kill you.

"I'm sorry," Regulus apologized again. "I didn't mean to break you guys up."

James and Sirius waved him off with scarily similar mannerisms. 

"Better that we figure this out now before we actually went through with adoption."

James was in mid-drink when Sirius said that and promptly spat up the entire contents of his mouth. "WHAT?!"

Sirius flushed in embarrassment. "Er, yeah, we were talking about it."

"If you weren't my brother I'd dump your dumb ass too," James groaned. "Why on Gaia's green earth would you think that adoption was a good idea for a _game_? I know that you're competitive but that's too much, man."

"I wasn't exactly thinking about it being a game," Sirius shot back in annoyance. "I mean, not like _all_ the time. And we're great friends! Or, were. We could raise a kid together without being together romantically or anything."

Regulus wrinkled his brow in thought while James just elbowed Sirius harshly again.

"Come on, man. Yeah, I mean that's possible, but not while Remus is in love with you and you're just jerking him around. Children need stability and honesty!"

"I wasn't jerking him around," Sirius groaned before downing another shot. He sat back heavily against. the couch. "Fuck."

"Are you sure that you don't like Remus?" Regulus asked carefully. " _Like_ like Remus?"

"I love him!" he replied in exasperation. "But I just never thought about liking him that way!"

James frowned for a moment and shot Regulus a quick look before focusing back on Sirius. "Not to get too personal here, but what exactly did you think about? During sex and stuff?"

Sirius shrugged helplessly. "What everyone else thinks about, I guess."

"About Remus?"

"Of course," Sirius snorted. "The guy's got a monster cock and he can make me so hard-"

"No details needed," Regulus jumped in. 

"So you liked having sex with him?" James pushed.

"Hell yeah. He's great."

"Do you like hanging around him all the time?" Regulus asked.

"Of course! He's so smart with all this business stuff and it was such a fucking blast getting this place put together. We always like hanging out with each other all day too."

James stared at his friend incredulously. "Do you want him to divorce you?"

"No!" Sirius protested immediately before jerking in shock at his own words. "Uh, no. I don't."

"Why shouldn't he divorce you?" James pressed. "I mean, since you never thought of him that way?"

Sirius struggled to his feet unsteadily and stomped his foot. "Damn it, James, of course I don't want him out of my life! We're friends! We're...well, we're _us_! I want to spend my stupid life with him and make him keep smiling and have babies with him and rub his feet in the morning and kiss those stupid lips!"

Regulus took a delicate sip of his wine. "Sounds like you _like_ Remus, Sirius."

He wobbled on his feet a little as he took a swallow of vodka from the bottle. "I just didn't think about it," he stated again with a frown. "I just needed a damn minute to _think_ about it."

"You had all afternoon!" Regulus protested.

"Yeah, but I was freaking about what he was thinking and how he felt! That's why I said something! I needed to know how he felt about me and then some time to think without him screaming about divorcing me! Asshole."

James guffawed as he filled his shot glass and downed it again. "I'm going to need to text Lily, man. We're too smashed to go chasing after Remus right now."

"Sorry, I don't have my license either," Regulus shrugged.

"Besides, three drunk fools wouldn't stay on top of bike for long," Sirius grumbled. "Where did my damn husband go?! I need to go kick his ass and then beg for forgiveness."

"Begging is good," James responded sagely as he fumbled with his phone. "Sounding like a true husband already, Sirius."

Regulus got up and snatched the phone out of James' hand. "I'll text her."

"I'm coming for you, Remus!" Sirius shouted loudly making the other two wince. "You're not leaving me, damn it!"

"Let's just hope he's so used to your stupidity that he can forgive this," Regulus mumbled as he texted Lily for help.

Sirius stumbled out to the front porch and started howling as if he was going to summon his husband with those atrocious noises.

"My liver isn't going to survive if he doesn't," James grumbled before he poured another shot.

**

"So that's how we got to here!" Sirius laughed before raising his glass. "Because I'm a dumbass and Remus is the most forgiving person on this planet."

"Here here!" James crowed and the small gathering of friends laughed. 

Remus just shook his head and looked up at his beaming husband with an embarrassed blush. Regulus thought that the two looked even more in love than they had at the beginning of summer and he grinned down into his Solo cup of sparkling cider. 

"So as it's our fifth year wedding anniversary I wanted to take a minute and say something very important to my husband with all of you as witnesses." He turned and got down on his knees in front of Remus making the other man blush even more deeply. "Remus John Lupin, you're the best thing that has ever happened to me. You're the love of my life, the moon to my stars, and the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. In sickness and in health, for better or worse, you're it for me babe. I solemnly swear."

"Fuck, you're so _sappy_ ," Remus chuckled with a choked off sob.

"Will you have me for the rest of our colorful lives?" Sirius asked with a wide grin and moist eyes.

"Absolutely," Remus agreed to a round of applause. "I solemnly swear."

Sirius whooped loudly and hauled his husband up into a loud and sloppy kiss before turning to the crowd and shooting a wink towards Regulus. "I win!"

**Author's Note:**

> I got the idea for this from a post I stumbled across on Tumblr. You can check it out [here](https://omghotmemes.tumblr.com/image/187457097257)
> 
> And FYI, please don't mix alcohol and medication.


End file.
